Grow some girl-balls and come out already
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
