i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
