you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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