How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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