i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
