also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
