Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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