mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
