eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize