I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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