That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
