I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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