i think my mom watched the whole time
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
