: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
