we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
