she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
