I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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