My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
