Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
