My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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