he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
