and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This show inspires me to have sex in space
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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