She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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