The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
