I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
