Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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