she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
