All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
