Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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