I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
