I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
