I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
