Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
