Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
