it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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