yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
