I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
