yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You really coming over, don't trick.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
