Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
