Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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