I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
