i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
