Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
