My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
