I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i think my mom watched the whole time
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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