A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
