This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
