Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
