Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
