Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
ok first of all what the fuck
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
