They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
