just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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